Dear Penny: My Elderly Stepmom’s Adult Grandson has Convinced Her to Give Him Her Monthly Funds. How Can I Help Her?
My 92-year old stepmom is giving almost all of her monthly funds, between $3,000 and $5,000 per month, to her 42-year-old grandson. He claims not to be able to work due to mental health issues. He won’t seek medical help despite her pleas.
I believe he won’t get a job to spite his ex-wife, as otherwise his wages would be garnished for child support. This is wreaking havoc on my stepmom’s health; the stress and anxiety is crushing her. If it wouldn’t add to her stress, I would report this grandson for elder abuse. What can we do?
— Helpless Looking On
Dear Helpless,
Because you don’t want to get some kind of local authority involved — which is an understandable boundary to draw — the interventions available are limited as long as your stepmom has legal control over her finances. Here are a couple of options to broach with her and with her grandson:
- Help her grandson find other financial support.
Anyone who’s unable to work because of mental illness can apply for Social Security Disability Insurance benefits (SSDI). The Social Security Administration maintains a list of qualifying medical and mental health issues that includes anxiety, depression, personality disorders, autism, trauma and others. To qualify, he’ll likely have to seek treatment; it could be worth asking whether he’ll be more willing to do that if it could mean gaining a measure of financial independence.
In addition to SSDI benefits, he can work and earn up to $1,550 per month (more than that makes him ineligible). He could explore flexible work options that accommodate his health needs, like working from home and gigs that let him make his own schedule, like writing, becoming a virtual assistant, transcription or food delivery apps.
Depending on his circumstances, he could also explore other government and community resources, such as unemployment, SNAP, food pantries and assistance from religious organizations.
SSDI and other income can be garnished for child support and back child support, usually up to about 25% of total income. If it’s a burden on his resources, he can contact the state collecting child support to negotiate a different monthly payment.
- Set your stepmom up to “pay herself first.”
Help secure her finances through a reverse budgeting strategy that uses her income to cover her commitments and needs first. Use bank settings or a money management app to automatically direct money into separate accounts when she gets a deposit.
Have enough deposited into one account to cover monthly bills, then set those bill payments on autopay. Use another account for any money she wants to save, such as for unexpected expenses and gifts. Use yet another account for daily spending money; she can use a checkbook or debt card from that account for things like shopping, groceries and other activities. And use a separate account for extra funds — she can send money to her grandson from that account, and her other needs will have already been met.
- Have your stepmom set up a financial power of attorney.
That gives a trusted friend, family member or financial advisor authority to manage her finances. That will include paying bills, managing investments, filing taxes and managing her bank accounts. This person could take over money management and ensure your stepmom holds onto the funds she needs. They could stop sending money to her grandson altogether or agree on a monthly amount that offers him some support while letting your stepmom maintain her own life.
If your stepmom is incapacitated and unable to sign a power of attorney, that person would need to go through your local court to become her guardian and get control of her finances.
Dana Miranda is a Certified Educator in Personal Finance® and author of YOU DON’T NEED A BUDGET. She writes Healthy Rich, a newsletter about how capitalism impacts the ways we think, teach and talk about money.
