Dear Penny: How My Partner and I Split Bills Is Confusing to Me. How Do I Address This?
My partner and I travel together often, but I always pay for the flight and hotel. Two years ago, I moved in with him, and he’s said (several times) he didn’t want or need me to pay rent, even though I’d like to contribute. I decided to buy most of the groceries and pay several bills. I also still pay for our travel, but I wish he’d chip in. He’s told me he assumed because I asked him to go on the trips I would pay for them. I’m beginning to wonder if he thinks of this as my contribution to the rent? How should I address this?
— What’s My Rent Again?
Dear What’s My Rent,
The first step, if you’re “wondering” how your partner feels about a money issue, is to ask him directly.
It sounds like you’ll have a lot more clarity if you redirect your financial contributions toward rent. So stop asking whether he “needs” you to chip in, and tell him it’s important to you to do so. Covering miscellaneous expenses ad hoc makes it hard to see what you’re contributing and leaves you open to disputes down the road.
Come up with an arrangement that works for both of you. If you’re renting a place together, determine the percentage of rent you’ll each pay. If he owns the home, draw up a simple lease and agree on an amount you’ll pay him (even if it’s zero!). Regardless of what you’re paying, make sure your name is on a lease or deed.
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Once you settle on your contributions toward housing, address the other expenses. How will you split costs for groceries and bills? How will you split costs for traveling?
This conversation can help you both understand your expectations around how you’ll each contribute to the household’s finances. Maybe you don’t need to contribute equally, but you’ll find a lot of relief in knowing exactly what’s expected.
You could benefit from setting up a bank account or money management app that lets you automate these contributions. An app like Qapital or Qube Money lets you mingle funds for shared expenses and goals while keeping the rest of your money separate. Automatically move some of your paycheck into shared accounts you’ll use to pay for rent, groceries, bills and travel, and keep the rest in your own accounts.
Dana Miranda is a Certified Educator in Personal Finance® and author of YOU DON’T NEED A BUDGET. She writes Healthy Rich, a newsletter about how capitalism impacts the ways we think, teach and talk about money.
